The Origin of the Fluff

I got married at the age of 28. According to my life plan, I will continue to flourish in my career, get a promotion before 30 and have my first baby at the age of 30 or 31.  But life has other plans because none of that happened.  I moved to another company, left that company after 3 years; and for the next 4 years, sticky baby dust continued to elude us.
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By 2012, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome or PCOS. It affected my hormone levels and made getting pregnant extremely difficult.  I gained tremendous weight. I was moody and cranky at all times. I had a horrible acne.  And I fell into insecurity and depression.

I met with a septuagenarian OB and suffered a very humiliating consultation.  She was asking me about myself and when I told her that I wanted to get pregnant, she admonished me in a VERY loud voice (she was hard of hearing), “Eh ang taba taba mo. Paano ka mabubuntis nyan?” She had a long queue of patients waiting outside with a clear view of the doctor and I. “Magdiet ka muna. Eto, tanungin mo yung secretary ko may binebenta yung kaibigan nya na pampapayat.”  Needless to say, I was embarrassed and felt more insecure with myself.  I never went back to her clinic after that episode but it did push me to lose weight and prove to that prickly doctor that I don’t need the “pampapayat” offered by her secretary’s friend.

I went on a strict diet by completely removing rice and soda. I had 2-hour yoga sessions 5 or 6 times a week. I was also taking metformin to help me lose weight as prescribed by my new OB.  However, more than 6 months has passed and I was still overweight. PCOS was such a b*tch.

Then I took drastic measures and decided to try slimming pills.  After much research and experimentation, I was able to find one that helped me shed the pounds. Finally, I started to lose weight and my period went back on track. As the stress and aches of a heavy body started to melt away, we also loosened our tight determination (and effort!) to make a baby. The hell with it! My hubby and I decided to just enjoy life for 2.  We got ourselves a toy dog and made her our baby.

November 2013. I was skinny and fab! I had a great job and I can go shopping for clothes and shoes anytime I want. It was easy to find clothes because everything fit.  They were cheaper too since I can wear free size clothing.  I forgot about getting pregnant.  I forgot about babies.  Then I got the biggest surprise of my life.  My very first positive test result.

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Now fast forward to 2015.  My baby is turning 14 months in two days and I am back to where I started in 2012. PCOS made a come back and I’m gaining weight again. I am cranky to my hubby and have horrible acne.  I am insecure with my body but I am not depressed. (You can’t get depressed when you have a cheerful troublemaking toddler).


It’s more challenging to go on a diet now because we are exclusively breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding makes you terribly hungry. PCOS makes you crave for sweets.  Drastic measures are not an option because baby kulit might lose weight too or get sick. I’m stuck in a rut and I want to get out.  Sharing my struggles and thoughts will help push me to overcome PCOS because I know there are people reading my blog (I hope there are!) and there are fluffinays just like me who are also working through the challenges of extra fluff and bilbil.


That’s why I’m fluffy, my friends. But I’m trying to love my PCOS body.  Please continue to encourage me to work harder by leaving a comment below! Thank you!



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